Banned from zoo.
Again?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
