Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
