If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
