Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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