Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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