ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
