HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
