your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
