its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love having hate sex.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
