So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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