im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
