I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
