i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
