Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
