Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
