I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
