im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
