he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
