So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
