it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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