Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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