how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
