Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
