I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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