i jhust puked up my retainher.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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