Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
