well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
