I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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