I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
