I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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