matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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