When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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