just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
