That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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