so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
