from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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