New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
