Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
