you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
