and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
