FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
