found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
