Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
