I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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