I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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