i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
