Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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