Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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