I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
