I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
