matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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