After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
