Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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