You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
